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don’t like to be fussy in restaurants, and hassle the wait staff. I know too many people who make dining out an uncomfortable proposition.
When I dine, I do not want stress; that defeats the experience (I distinguish between dining and simply eating).
It's too easy to stay at home and prepare my own healthy meals, saving money, practicing what I preach, putting my feet up, and controlling my portions, calories and content.
Like on Seinfeld, I went to one of my Upper West Side coffee shops, just blocks from Tom's (the one in Seinfeld). I got a new waitress whose face constantly remained expressionless in spite of my desire for friendship or compassion (during tax season I rarely get out around people). I was particularly dismayed because I have frequented the establishment for years.
As usual, I ordered, "water - no ice, coffee, a scrambled egg on a roll w/bacon" - simple, direct, concise; no minced words, no possibility of confusion, a list that makes a hurried, professional, NYC Greek coffee shop, wait person's life easier.
I wasn't substituting menu items, customizing an omelet, asking for egg whites, or for the toast to be buttered in the kitchen while still hot; I wasn't asking to have my food placed on my plate at a precise 37° angle from something else on the plate that it's not allowed to touch.
The waitress proved her understanding by asking, "one egg?"
I said, "yes"; she asked if I wanted cheese.
I said "no cheese" with a horrified look on my face (due to the thought of the punishment my arteries were already about to undertake).
Again, I answered simply, directly, concisely, and now, with a visual aid. No intercourse, no chatter.
She immediately brought me an ice-filled glass of water, followed very soon after, by an egg on a roll with cheese.
When I called her back, she became defensive, and tried to blame it on me! Then, annoyingly she started to repeat, “no problem, no problem”, like a broken American record.
At least she was fast.
However, my experience changed.
I was taught early in life that I have two ears and one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I talk.
I was also trained to take notes, which she did not.
Working with women in a service business, and having acquired decent communication skills, I have learned to listen. I also try to 'speak for my listener'.
And, I prefer to do things just slightly slower, and get them right the first time - it's still less time than doing it twice - and it excludes the stress. It also offers a successful feeling of accomplishment - a job well done.
I wonder what happens to the brain that causes these 'fails', as my young fraternity Brother/assistant from Columbia University calls them. My Peruvian girlfriend refers to them as the 'lagunas mentales' - the mental lagoons, to which the brain escapes or falls into.
Initially, I take pause: if humans can't correctly do something simple, can they be trusted with something difficult or important? However, the two performances might not be judged the same way unless there is a previously identified pattern. Performance may be based on circumstance in addition to behavior and skill.
Nevertheless, the brain recognizes these ‘fails’, and if we're conscious of it, we're reminded that trust is best earned. A form of disclosure.
I did get a blog out it, and writing things down for me is a cure for getting things out of my head, where I probably spend too much time.
For many, managing money is a scarier topic than managing breakfast; who's your Trusted Family Advisor?
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