Note: This article does NOT include legal advice, which must be offered by a licensed attorney.
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ou may not mind if your marriage is like a Marx Brothers film, but you may mind if your divorce becomes a painful, frustrating farce.
Enter, the Pre-Nuptial Agreement.
Divorce is common, and the odds are against you: 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 75% of third marriages. And, it’s hard enough emotionally, psychologically, and financially, not to mention dealing with kids, family, friends, assets, a home, a job, and life in general.
Divorce often feels like failure. And if you're the one being left, you may be destroyed in any number of ways, with no emergency plan, no plan for rebuilding your life, and no energy to get out of bed.
To add insult to your injury, do you really want the details of your marriage and divorce to become public knowledge via the Court System?!
Aside from being a responsible citizen by not clogging the court system, and being a responsible member of society by not giving lawyers fodder for litigation, and being a responsible individual & parent by keeping your money for yourself, rather than donating it to your attorney, do you really want money and children to become pawns or weapons in a battle with your about-to-be former partner?
You need to keep all of this out of the way in order to deal with the hurt, pain, and the process of redefining your life, and moving on to, once again, pursue happiness.
Aside from the romance of marriage, it is a legal contract. Good business people plan for dissolution of a partnership prior to entering into one. Isn't marriage a higher priority, if not sacred? Shouldn't you be smart, too?
Getting money and related issues addressed up front helps to manage expectations, and allows you to focus on the love and romance, rather than having to connive behind the scenes.
A pre-nup might cover what belongs to whom, who will pay for what, household responsibilities, vacations & lifestyle, assets & purchases, taxes, investing, estate planning, children & money, retirement, disability, long-term care, death, other, non financial responsibilities, and anything else you negotiate from children’s religious exposure, to weight management, to smoking, alcohol, drugs, sex, where you live, travel, time management, and conflict resolution.
People often design a clear vision of their wedding, even their honeymoon; why not have a marriage vision, mission, and plan? Isn't it important enough?
Marriage takes work. Love is only the starting point. There needs to be communication, compassion, and compromise. If you know what you each expect of each other, you may actually make each other happy, and avoid, or mitigate, your honeymoon quickly devolving into a long, slow, chronic, depressing nightmare.
Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be living the fairy tale or, maybe Heaven-on-Earth? Isn't that what you really want?
A pre-nup isn't the end of the romance. It takes it to a higher plane by clearing the path for happiness, since it addresses your individual, emotional issues like security, fidelity, friendships, values, and life goals. It creates trust rather than hampering or ignoring it.
It allows informed decision-making for when one switches from their rose-colored glasses to another pair, or when one steps off a pedestal to be seated on a throne.
And it can be amended. In fact, post-nuptial agreements, where recognized by State Courts, may be stronger than pre-nuptial ones since they imply greater knowledge about one another, now that you're already married.
So you tell me: do you want to be a divorce statistic, or increase the odds of living happily ever after?
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