Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts

Sunday, March 31, 2013

59) The Third Estate


The Third Estate





P
assover, (with two Seders in the Diaspora), Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter, all arrived this week.  Students, teachers & parents took vacations, family members prepared gatherings & feasts, the S&P 500 hit a high, and tax preparers kept crunching numbers except for family functions and religious holidays.

            I remember a Sunday television show from my childhood that methinks was called 'The Third Estate'.  I believe it  was about religion; I believe it had relatively broad appeal.

            But I couldn't understand the title!

            I concluded that the Third Estate was humankind, and the First Estate was G-d's (or Heaven, if it’s real estate?).  However, I could never figure out who might be the Second Estate.

            As it turns out, in the Middle Ages, 'estates of the realm' were the ‘broad social orders of the hierarchically conceived societies as ordained by G-d’.  It was big in France.

            The Clergy occupied the First Estate in order to ordain Royalty and Nobility (the second estate), who, in turn, ‘settled privileges on the more prestigious commoners, or burghers (bourgeoisie)’ - the Third Estate.  Peasants made up the Fourth Estate.

            Although I believe that humankind has not evolved as much as we might have thought as children growing up in America, I believe that, to some degree, that society shows evidence of evolution.  I think most (although I fear maybe not an overwhelming majority) of the world’s people, now, supposedly, have rights: Human Rights, Civil Rights, and other legal rights; rights, such as to property - an estate.

            Everyone has an estate.

Basically, it’s everything you own, and to which you have rights.


            You would be wise to learn about, and plan your estate.  Everything from additional estate creation and protection (e.g. life insurance, investing, a business), to maximization (tax minimization, investing, protection from lawsuits, creditors, divorce), and settlement (legal devices & distributions, accounting & administration, and taxation).


Estate planning has two parts: the part while you're alive, and the part after you're dead.

Each part requires planning, usually documents, and is coordinated (it’ usually a basic estate plan from an attorney that may save cost.  And even if you pay aalot, how much more are you protecting?  100 times?  More?.

            While you're alive, it's prudent to have at least two documents:

1.    a Living Will/Health Care Proxy
2.    a Durable Power of Attorney


            Your Living Will (your will/wishes while you’re alive but can’t speak for yourself) states your wishes such as whether or not to be kept alive by artificial means.

            Your Proxy (i.e. agent, representative nominee) for your healthcare, names someone to make medical decisions for you, such as whether or not to have an operation, or pull a plug.

            You need to choose someone who understands your wishes and can make tough decisions.  In addition, you may need a substitute person in case the primary person can't/won't serve.


            A Durable Power-of-Attorney names someone as your Attorney-in-Fact to act on their behalf after the point of incapacitation; it’s durable.

            This can power can go into effect at its signing, or it can ‘spring’ into power by some event such as a doctor certifying incompetence.  Such are known as ‘Springing Powers-of-Attorney’.

Different powers can be granted to different people.

            Depending on what powers are appointed to whom, your Attorney-in-Fact can pay bills, collect income, file taxes, buy/sell property, and, maybe make gifts - a special power.

            These documents vary from state-to-state and probably should be coordinated with certain other documents such as Driver's Licenses, where you can donate body organs.


After you've departed, this world, your Will comes into play.  A Will is a final clean-up (vehicle) document for everything left over from, what are considered, ‘Will Substitutes’.

A Will Substitute is anything that takes precedence over & above (& prior to) your will.  Examples include certain joint ownership assets where the deceased's share automatically transfers to the other owner(s)(e.g. Joint Tenants with Rights of Survivorship vs. Tenants in Common), or naming beneficiaries on insurance, retirement accounts, and trust assets.

Your Will states who gets your stuff (e.g. home, money, art, intellectual property, royalties), and who takes care of the children, dependents, and pets.

Your Will may also, need to be specific to the state in which you are domiciled.

Divorce can void a will, and federal law (e.g. pension, bankruptcy), and state statutes usually trump a Will (e.g. a surviving spouse may be entitled to a third of their deceased spouse's estate - unless there's something like a pre/post-nuptial agreement).

Before death, a Will can be rewritten or modified with Codicils.

Estate plans need to be reviewed when tax laws change and personal circumstances change (e.g. marriage/divorce, death/births, disability/windfalls, change of state residence or states in which you own property.



            After death, a Will may allow you to 'speak from the grave' by doing things such as creating and/or having established trusts with personal guidelines for family members.

Wills can be challenged, and if not absolutely clear, can cause confusion.


            An estate goes through an administrative settlement process with each state in which property is located.  This makes sure that everything is accounted for, all monies are collected, all claims are paid, any taxes (e.g. income, gift & estate, etc.) are filed and paid, all beneficiaries are identified, and finally, all assets are distributed.  The Will states how and who does these things.  Things can go wrong.

            The person in charge of executing your last will, is named in your Will as your Executor/Executrix.  In New York the administrative process, called Probate (probating a will), is done by the Surrogates Court, usually with a Clerk.  Both, the Executor and Court are allowed to collect small fees for service, according to a state schedule.  (These fees should be tax-deductible to the Estate - and income to the recipient.)  Family members often waive their fee.  A Successor Executor/Executrix should be considered and listed.

            Should someone die without a Will (i.e. Intestate), then there's a state schedule of who is entitled to the property (e.g. spouse, children, parents, etc., ultimately, the State) that didn’t pass by Will Substitute.


            None of these documents should be kept in safe deposit box (you can leave photocopies, there for back-up).  They should be handy so that if the safe deposit box gets ‘sealed’, when the bank learns of the death of one of the key holders, you have access to them.  They’re important.


            More sophisticated planning, for privacy (court records are public, trusts and beneficiaries are not), tax issues, family issues (like divorce, providing for a minor or children of a prior marriage, or caring for a handicapped person), liability, business continuation, investing, or charitable donations can also be accomplished.  Some of it is not as difficult as it seems if you have a good financial planner, insurance agent,  and ultimately, estate attorney for the document preparation.

            in addition, prudent estate planning should coordinate with all kinds of insurances, elder law, and, possibly Planned Giving, whether it's for gifting (to a charity, and/or in order to qualify for Medicaid) or, possibly Long-term Care Insurance.

            Ideally, estate plans could be discussed with and explained to family members or loved ones.  This way, they know what you want.  And those who will be asked to serve understand what’s expected of them.

            Proper estate planning is a must.  Too many family, business, financial, and tax issues can arise causing immense strife, conflict, time, and cost.  All of this on top of the hurt and healing.

            You can save money, protect loved ones, assets and businesses, remove insult from injury, feel organized and confident, and instead of being a Bull, a Bear - or a Hog, be a SWAN (sleep well at night).

            Live for the good times, plan for the bad.

Is your estate plan up to date?

            Who's your Trusted Family Advisor©?

           

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

'The Trusted Family Advisor’

55) The Trusted Family Advisor




H
ow does one, especially a woman, choose the right Financial Planner?

            Firstly, what is financial planning?

            Financial Planning is the effective management of financial resources to achieve life goals.

            What is a Financial Planner?

            A professional in a vocation involving specialized knowledge & skills used to provide disinterested counsel and service for compensation without expectation of other business gain.

            A Financial Planner may be trained in a variety of personal finance topics ranging from daily financial management to long-term financial planning.  These topics can include goal-setting & prioritizing, values assessments, budgeting (what you spend on), cash flow management (when you spend), banking & bill-paying, credit management, and tax management, to insurance management, home purchasing, education planning, retirement planning, investing, estate planning, and specialty areas, such as planning for same-sex couples or divorce.

            The CFP (Certified Financial Planner) is often the professional designation of choice.  It covers a wider range of topics than any other financial professional, with the possible exceptions of the Chartered Financial Consultant (ChFC) or a CPA who holds the AICPA's Personal Financial Specialist (PFS) designation.  There are other designations out there, but they are usually related to a single specialized area.

            A Certified Financial Planner holds a certificate from the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards.  To attain this designation, the professional must satisfy education & ethics requirements, have passed a long, comprehensive competency exam in a variety of topics and have had three years of experience.  They are then governed by a Code of Ethics, a Code of Practice Standards, and a Code of Professional Conduct.

            A disclosed CFP Practitioner practices the 6-Step Financial Planning Process:

            1. Establishing and defining the client-planner relationship.

            2. Gathering client data, including goals.

            3. Analyzing and evaluating your financial status.

            4. Developing and presenting financial planning recommendations and/or alternatives.

            5. Implementing the financial planning recommendations.

            6. Monitoring the financial planning recommendations.

            All of this is separate and above from licenses and registrations for managing/brokering investments and/or insurance, preparing taxes, practicing law, etc. and other specialized designations such as for divorce financial planning.

            A CFP Practitioner (vs. a CFP) will be one of the best persons you will ever know since they are usually intelligent, articulate, educated, practiced at teaching, and they like to help people, and adhere to high personal moral integrity.  They are not all about making money for themselves, although they like to earn a decent living and be in control of their own lives.

            The biggest issues that women face relate to their historic non-involvement with money.

            If you think about this, it’s ludicrous.

            Women live longer than men, often marry someone older, and already control more than have of the money in the US.

            They have always had to provide for children (and now, parents), and have always managed the household, making them excellent multitaskers, budgeters, and savers.

            But it's been the man's purview to have a team of financial professionals, including accountants, attorneys, bankers, insurance agents, and investment brokers.

            Men like to confidently take action, often ignorantly and without advice, and they often practice, 'Ready FIRE, Aim'.

            Most financial professionals are men and most financial decision-makers have been men.  If a man and a woman visit their advisor together, studies show that the professional spends the majority of the time speaking to the man.  The man will 'take care of the little lady who should concern herself with such things’.  This just pisses women off and they usually find a new advisor when their man is no longer in the picture.

            Therefore, a woman will want to choose a planner who is referred and/or whom she has checked out by hearing them speak (e.g. live, TV, radio, writing).  She will check their credentials.  She will meet with him/her to feel comfortable and heard.  The planner should be professional, willing to explain things again, and again, until she feels comfortable with the answers to her questions and the advice.  The planner needs to be patient, understanding and have a good bedside manner.  A woman will develop trust for the planner and be involved.  And the planner will be responsive.

            In my office, we appreciate delegation, not abdication; we fire clients who abdicate responsibility and involvement.  And we place particular emphasis on education and security.

            We like to teach, women like to learn.  Women have different goals and values than men.  Women like to make a plan, and patiently stick to it.  Women integrate, men categorize; women ask for help.  Women are loyal and send referrals.

            In her book 'Next: Trends for the Near Future', Marion Salzman, a Young & Rubicam Global Brands Manager observed that people are spending more and more time with like-minded individuals.  This ranged from who their friends were, the activities in which they participated, with whom they do business, and even where they live, moving to be closer to those who share their values and interests.

            The right planner may be more loyal, communicative, respectful, and true, than a husband.

            Who's your Trusted Family Advisor?


Sunday, December 9, 2012

'Respect'

50) Respect





S
ing it: "R-E-S-P-E-C-T".


             Affecting one's life starts with respect.

             Without, there may be no life, a short life or death.

            Lack of respect ends in homelessness, unemployment, fights, crying, depression, anxiety, divorce, split families, unhappiness, crime, murder, bloodshed, war, and death.  Look at the Middle East or the homeless or the seaside victims of Hurricane Sandy.  How about holding doors for others, not cutting lines, not cutting others off in your car.  Look at your family-filled holiday table;  how much tsouris, crying, fighting, unhappiness, and anxiety is there?

            Respect for one's health helps birth a baby.  Respect for the elements & food grow a child or keeps an adult healthier.  Respect for knowledge aids survival and teaches life skills.  Respect for others allows people to work and live together, improving quality of life and longevity.

            Respect for numbers allows families to grow, homes to be built, crops to be planted, businesses and finances to be managed, money to be counted, saved and invested.  It allows life plans to be made.  Farming & agriculture, business & trade, civilization & space travel all spawn from respect.

            If you show disrespect for others, or nature, or numbers, you may suffer.  You may have no home, food, income, clothes, savings, friends, family or life.

            Respect is basic.  Have respect.  Have respect for yourself, for others, nature, and numbers.

            John Donne said, "No (wo)man is an island".  Are you? 
            

Monday, November 26, 2012

'The Anxiety Society'

48) The Anxiety Society




W
elcome to today's Depression Session, here at the Anxiety Society.

            Today we will cry and self medicate.  We'll bitch & moan, whine, complain and sleep.

            The only cost is your salvation.  No one can help you if you don't want to help yourself.

            If you're serious about ending it, and letting the rest of us down - friends, family, children - please do so quickly and quietly, and keep the line moving.

            If not, please hide your lethargy and temptation to complain.

            Reduce your sugar, caffeine, alcohol & drugs, and increase your sun exposure and exercise.

            ‘Fake it 'til you make it.’  Make yourself look decent since feeling good starts with looking good.

            Get out of bed.  Take a shower; regiment your existence.  Pace yourself.  Visit others.  Find a way to laugh frequently.  See a doctor, read, pray.  Repeat your affirmations three times daily - in the present tense.  Try standing and reciting them loudly.

            You cannot overcome or recover from this affliction by doing just one big thing; you must consistently do many small things.  We are biochemical beings in this incarnation, housing our essence; the correct mixture must be maintained!

            If you can't do the 'right' thing, it's better to still do some-thing, rather than noth-ing.

            Healthily help yourself.  Forgive yourself.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  Give yourself permission to be human, and sad, and feel bad.

            Take what you need and leave the rest.

            Your journey may be long and arduous.  The light at the end of the tunnel may elude you for years.  Don't let this preclude your faith; knowing this can preserve it.

            In the pool, we teach the children, “What's worse than a drowning victim?  Two drowning victims!  Take care of yourself, first!  In an airplane, we teach you to put on your oxygen mask before that of the child next you.  You must save/protect yourself and then help others - and then, HELP OTHERS; it will help you.

            Heed well, or suffer the dark.  Learn well, practice frequently, and celebrate the light.

            The first step: dealing with daily survival.

            Once you deal with emergencies, you can get your daily survival under control.  You can look ahead, set long-term goals, make a plan; and find a way to execute it.  One step at a time; one day at a time.

How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.

            Emergency plan, Systems, Financial Plan.

            Are you taking care of yourself?

           

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Power of Apology

42) The Power of Apology







S
ome people just don't get it.  I fear it's more often men.  People have to be taught the healing, and healthy power of an apology.  An apology goes a long way.

            ”I'm sorry” and, "I apologize" are powerful and important phrases.

            They immediately diffuse a situation; they allow you to move forward, whether it's to walk away, be able to remain in the same room or car, try to grasp your feelings, cry, talk, or have 'make-up' sex, or remain friends, or simply non-violent.

            I believe it has to do with assuming responsibility for your actions, and respecting other people, and their feelings.

            If one can get out of their own way, and be confident enough in themselves, and their personal code of ethics, then one can more easily apologize.

            Apologies prevent war, apologies prevent fights.  Apologies can salvage activities, and relationships.  Apologies help avoid misunderstandings, confrontations, and unnecessary stress.  Apologies maintain familial relationships, allow friendship to foster, marriages to last, groups to thrive, civilizations to flourish, and humanity to evolve.

            Apologies can display empathy, and compassion; they can aid self-esteem, and self-confidence.

            We are a social being; we need others.  Apologies are generally inexpensive, and healthy; they are a life tool, and can aid your moral compass.

            How do you navigate?

           

Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Big 4-0 40)  Speaking of Planning...







W
omen have critical needs & special interests, as their earning power increases, and their independence grows.  Women integrate money with the other parts of their lives, whereas men tend to categorize & segregate.

            Women tend to use money as a tool for achieving life goals, such as retirement, a home, vacations, taking care of kids, and not becoming a 'shopping bag lady’.

            Some women use money as an emotional crutch, such as spending to excess on pampering themselves when they work hard but don't have a fulfilling relationship.

            Men often view money as a competition, or a way to keep score, supporting - or damaging - their egos, self-esteem, and self-confidence.  Some use it as a tool for power, and control.

            Historically, women are not empowered about money, and underestimate their ability to manage it.  Men are confident, and pretend to speak the lingo, but don’t ‘stop to ask directions’.

            As women take control of their money, they ask for help, appreciate education, and recognize the value of goals, planning, and patience, systematically sticking to their plans, often resulting in the attainment of their goals.

            It’s all the more important today, as women’s control of money in the world continues to grow, and the markets don't want to cooperate.

            Do you have a list of goals?  Do they have target dates, and dollars?

            Can you make a list of your values?  Have you thought about morality?  Honor?  Integrity?  Loyalty?  Commitment?  Heroism?  Courtesy?  Friendliness?

            Is it time to visit with a Certified Financial Planner, see if there's a meeting of the minds, and then discover - or rediscover yourself?

            Organizing your physical, and mental lives frees you to explore your spiritual, and emotional ones.